Morning Journal 1/20/22

Got the test back, and I am positive. As expected.

Just have a sore throat today, so that’s good. But what’s not so good is that because of this, my brain capacity is still not at 100%. Whether it is something that I am doing to myself with the fact that I did not get enough rest the last weekend, with the headache or just me being straight plain lazy. I just know that nothing is going to get me out of it except for me.

I need to get to work. The work still needs to be done no matter what, so there’s really nothing that I can get away from. It is something that I know I must be doing anyway, and I know that the only way to conquer procrastination is to “just do it.” Thanks, Nike.

A lot of things are planned for sure, and I have something that really needs to be done in a time-sensitive manner, and I hope that they are done just that way.

Let’s talk about what I have on my mind today, or what I had recently the last few days.

It’s all about I’m not enough… I’m not good enough. I’m not making enough. I’m not working fast enough. I’m not creating fast enough. I don’t have enough energy. I don’t have enough knowledge…
I am not enough.
That’s what’s been on my mind the last few days.
That’s what I’ve been thinking and spiraling the last few days.
And it feels like I am only going deeper and deeper. It feels like I am only working myself to be in a worse place than when I started.

No, don’t tell me that I am enough. Because I won’t hear it. It’s almost like you are whispering something in my ear during a concert of things telling me that I am not enough… Your voice is so small, it won’t even matter.

I also know that no matter what happens, I have myself. And I take care of myself. And I must have my own back before someone else comes and starts having my back.

Even after years of transformation, these moments are still so real, even when they’re not real whatsoever. They just feel so real because that’s what I am feeling at the moment, and that’s the only thing that I can think of and feel at this moment.

There’s so much work for me to do. There’s so much life for me to live. And there are a lot of different experiences that I have not experienced.

People say entrepreneurship is the biggest personal development program, and it will show who you really are to yourself right away… They’re right.

I am still someone who needs to have the confidence and see myself as someone of value. I’m not there just yet.

And at this moment, I am deciding that I am there now.

I imagine that I have the confidence, I imagine that I share valuable content, I imagine that I am enough, for me.

And that’s the change that I am committed to making.

Remember, I said in 2022, I am going to kick procrastination in the ass. This is the first step to it.

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