Morning Journal 1/19/22

Today is the first day that I start my day knowing that I won’t have a steady income anymore. And I don’t even feel anything about it because all I feel is my head pounding from this headache that I have. I can barely keep my eyes open to keep this going. I am not feeling well right now, but I am so happy and grateful that I am not feeling like how I was feeling a few days ago. I know that no matter what though, I still have my health together, I still have my body here, and I still got a God that answers prayers. That’s enough things that I can be appreciative about and that’s enough for me to say that I still live a pretty damn good life.

On another note, I HAVE TO get those videos done. Training is so important and there are some reverse engineering to do. Personal development and mindset training are there for people to take a better look at the things that they are doing, really dive deep into personal life, create the good stuff that they want to create.

I need to plan out my social calendar again. And I probably need to get more photos somehow. Or somehow use a lot of my old photos again.

My head is spinning in the crazy cycle again, and I don’t know why it started, or why it is doing what it is doing. I can barely stop it this time too. I need to rest, yes, I get that, but I also need to make sure that people are taken care of and life continues on. I just feel so small, pathetic, and useless right now. I feel like I have nothing going on for me. I feel like a loser, I feel like I don’t have the things that I need to have, and I don’t even deserve the life that I am living right now. I am feeling so depressed. If depression is just knowing that where I am is not where I need to be, then I better get moving to get rid of this depression thing. I can barely find myself moving right now too.

I need a lot of my habits back. Like working out, spending time with myself, and doing shift models that change my stories about what I am doing. I know that nothing will help me to be better than me myself and I, so I get to level up. I get to be the person of change. I get to empower myself to be the big man on campus, I get to put my faith in God and let Him lead.

I am where I am because God puts me here. I am at this place of joy because God gave me the life that I have right now. I praise Him, and I thank Him.